THINK ON THESE: SCIENCE OF LOVE

Who doesn’t know what love is?  But do people really know what is love?  It is perhaps the most intimate and deepest emotion a person experiences and yet it continues to baffle man and woman alike.

The romantics of the world believe in love at first sight.  But out of sight, out of mind, so goes a popular quotation.  Yet, absence makes the heart grow fonder, contradicts another saying.

There are those who believe in forever, which means someone to love until till death would part them.  Yes, love is imminent; it is inscrutable yet inspiring.  The Bible tells us: “But the greatest of them all is love.”

“What is love?” someone asked.  “To solve that riddle with just one answer is beyond me, for love is many different and contradictory things.  In the early stages of love is excitement and breathlessness, it is the ache of separation and the comfort of togetherness, and it builds inexorably to that moment when ‘I’ becomes ‘we.’  Later, if blessed, love becomes a stronger, less transitory thing, a foundation for two lives lived as one.”

Love, which often seen as “the beautiful, wonderful, mysterious mortar that binds two souls together,” is beyond description.  Paulo Coelho, a Brazilian lyricist and novelist, shares this thought: “I’ve been in love before, it’s like a narcotic.  At first, it brings the euphoria of complete surrender.  The next day you want more.  You’re not addicted yet, but you like the sensation, and you think you can still control things.  You think about the person you love for two minutes then forget them for three hours.  But then you get used to that person, and you begin to be completely dependent on them. Now you think about him for three hours and forget him for two minutes. If he’s not there, you feel like an addict who can’t get a fix.  And just as addicts steal and humiliate themselves to get what they need, you’re willing to do anything for love.”

Howard Jones, a singer-songwriter who is known for his chartbuster, “What is Love?” has the same opinion.  “Love is letting each other be who we are without fear of censure,” he opined.  “Love is not wanting the other to become a clone of ourselves.  ‘Other’ offers resistance, pushing us to find what is self.  Love is actively embracing our equality and pushing each other to realize our full potential and make our full contribution to the world.

“Love is facing forward, both fighting for a common goal – both strong, both independent and positively choosing a knowing dependence,” Jones continues.  “Love is always leaving the door unlocked and continuing that love when ‘other’ may choose to use the exit.  Love is letting go and wishing well.  Love is aching joy.  Love is the safe haven.  Love is arriving home.”

Despite all the studies done by researchers and respected authorities, love continues to flummox science.  Recent studies suggest, however, that several chemicals in our brain, as well as genetics and background, all shape the process of falling in love and, perhaps, more importantly, how long love lasts.

Please meet Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist at Rutgers University in New Jersey.  She is a leading researcher of the science behind love.

“She divides the process of falling in love and staying in love into three stages – each driven by corresponding hormones that play a part in directing our actions,” explains a special edition of Popular Science on “100 mysteries of science.”

First stage: “Humans meet someone who excites them sexually, with testosterone – in both men and women – playing a part.”

Second stage: “Once two people establish a mutual attraction, they move on to romantic love, the head-over-heels stage of a relationship.  Working in the brain at this point is dopamine, which creates the emotional high of being in love.  At the same time, other chemicals, including adrenaline, make the heart pound a little harder when the beloved is around.”

Third stage: “Sustaining a loving relationship is possible, in part because of oxytocin.  Scientists have studied the role of this hormone plays in creating a bond between a mother and her child.  Oxytocin also helps build the bonds of attachment between partners.”

The publication talks more about oxytocin in these words: “Studies done by Beate Ditzen at the University of Zurich indicate that the hormone makes lovers more able to express their feelings and be supportive of each other.  Oxytocin also reduces cortisol, a hormone that stimulates stress.  Genes may play a part in how receptive someone is to the power of oxytocin.”

I think most of those who have been in love have undergone these stages.  “Once we find the right person, our body responds in particular ways,” the publication states.  “Couples with successful, lasting relationships show fewer signs of stress (measured by the fight-or-flight syndrome scale) when they’re conversing, while couples facing rocky times show signs of stress even when talking about mundane things.

Health is at stake when trouble is brewing between couples.  “This increased stress between partners can affect their immune and endocrine systems, rising the risk of disease,” the publication points out.

Despite these findings, Fisher believes that biology alone does not determine who we fall in love with and whether the relationship lasts; “your culture, your background, and your upbringing” also play a significant role.

“But below the surface of our thoughts, biology does indeed operate in shaping our love lives.”

Love, anyone?

 

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