by Zhaun Ortega
Yes, you read that title right. I’m actually writing about Chinese products that you should boycott. I know, I know. Nobody reads my stuff to get some political insight or whatever you call dipping into this topic, but I promise you this is not going where you think it is. Here’s a little heads up though. If you are like any partyphile, you would not know that a Filipino Governor actually suggested that we boycott all products from China because they (China) have been bullying us over the Spratly Islands. I do not really know what that is about, or if we should seriously consider boycotting ALL products from China (which means that we should boycott all our phones, our signature shirts, and *gasp* authentic Peking Duck) but I decided to create a short-list of products that we should definitely boycott just because they are pretty stupid…and hilarious. Here it is:
8.) Collagen shots that they get from executed Prisoners in China that are taken without permission from the prisoner or their family: Just think about getting collagen shots from dead Chinese prisoners. Eeek. I bet they run out of other sources because Michael Jackson used to hoard Collagen Shots. Thank heavens he’s not with us anymore, now dead Chinese prisoners can rest in peace… with all their collagen.
7.) Flashing Top: It is bad enough that your child is so stupid that it would need a gun to make a top spin, but this toy simply teaches your kid wrong grammar. It says on the box that it wants to “Let me see who is play fast ad long time who is winner.” Long time? Each children will start converse this manner.
6.) Light Balance Lip and Eye Remover, Lightly Gel Type: So it’s not heavily gel type? That must be good if they chose to put that feature right on the bottle. Maybe the fact that it is lightly gel type makes one feel better about removing their own Lip and Eye! Gosh, what has the world come to? Boycott this product! Unless of course, you want your eyes removed.
5.) Aichen Beauty Grape Facial Wash. At first glance, this product looks like a simple, run-of-the-mill bottle of facial wash. However, upon closer inspection, you would discover that it actually promises something very peculiar. It says on the bottle that it could actually “Eliminate horniness essence.” Who would want to eliminate that? Boycott!
4.) iFan: The iFan looks like an iPhone (well, kinda), but does nothing that an iPhone does. What does it do? Function like a fan. Plus, it does not function very well either. Why should you boycott this? Because it looks stupid.
3.) Fake eggs: We all know that China is responsible for almost everything fake in the world. And to some extent, we are thankful for that. Otherwise, where would we get our designer rip-offs? However, fake food is just too much. Fake eggs have been known to cause memory loss and dementia because they use industrial chemicals to make these fake eggs. How about some bacon, toast, and scrambled dementia for breakfast?
2.) Dianshu Washing Private Wash: This private wash promises to help eliminate STDs and stuff. T convince their customers more, they attached this little explanation: “It are according to the different characteristics cent of the man wash and lady wash. Do you return the iso-WHAT? Take a shower on everyday or the sexual intercourse is in front and back. Use it wash the private parts and is the hygiene the best choice of your health, at romantic tender feeling of personal status of time make you have peace of mide to have no to worry.” I say, if they can’t get the text right, they probably won’t get the formulation right.
1.) Irony Fire Extinguisher. When you are in the middle of a burning building, would you really want for the fire extinguisher to be ironic? ‘Nuff said.
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