by Zhaun Ortega
Since the beginning of time (or the wonderful discovery of fermentation) drinking has always been one of the most loved social activities known to man. In fact, it is the predecessor of partying. Even before the Partyphile race existed, winers, boozers, and all-around drinkers were the socialites (they were not very prim though). And because of the long long history of man with alcohol, certain rules have emerged to keep the favored social activity, well, favorable.
This set of rules, or code of ethics, is, should be, and must be the guiding principles of anyone who drinks with a group. This code of ethics has always remained a secret; something which not many people talk about, but many (who intrinsically have manners) adhere to. This is the first time anybody is going to publish this code, so hang on to this copy because the next issuance of the code may be long before you are gone. Here it goes (read discreetly)
Rule #1: Never steal someone else’s shot. This is pretty self-explanatory. If it is owned by somebody else, you have no right to take it. Wait for your shot or buy one. That simple. However, there is one exception to the rule: when you are choking. But really, would you think drinking a shot of alcohol would help in that situation?
Rule #2: Always offer shots to an acquaintance who approaches the table. This is just out of respect. You have to offer any acquaintance some drinks when they approach you as you are drinking. It is to cement the solidarity of drinkers everywhere. Of course, the ethical thing to do is decline or accept the drink and then offer them a shot once you have started drinking as well.
Rule #3: Never offer someone a drink that isn’t full, especially if you’ve drank from it. Doing that is just tacky. Remember, giving alcohol to somebody is a sign of friendship and solidarity (woah, deep) so giving a glass that is half-empty is not really respectful. Moreover, I can not think of a reason why anybody would do this. Short on cash? Don’t drink. Short on alcohol? Order some more. Just do not offer somebody something half—heartedly.
Rule #4: Never keep a drink unmoved for more than ten minutes. This is especially true when drinking with a group. It is unethical to keep others waiting to drink. So stop whatever it is you are doing and start drinking! In fact, it would help everybody if you drink your shot straight away as it is served.
Rule #5: Never waste precious alcohol. Consume all leftovers. Remember the thing I said about never steal someone else’s shot? That does not count when it comes to leftovers. Alcohol is precious; thus, you must consume all leftovers in sight. Of course, that does not count when it comes to drinks left over by people you do not know.
Rule #6: Always pay the bill before you pass out. Passing out is the best way to skip paying the bill. It is so tacky that it grosses me out. If you do not intend on paying up, do not even start drinking. It is that simple. It is such a hassle for your friends to pay for your bill just because you have passed out. Of course, the humane thing to do (on your friend’s part) would be to pay up and take you home, but if you do this habitually, I would encourage them to leave you in the bar. The issue is not that you did not pay up, because to drinkers, money is not a big issue. The issue is that you did not tell your friends that you are broke and need some coverage in the financial area so they could prepare extra money for the drinks you’ve drank.
Rule #7: When sharing a glass with the whole group, you shall swear on your vodka’s grave that you are free of contagious diseases. This is pretty self-explanatory.
Rule #8: When sharing a glass with the whole group, always drink the same amount as the rest of the group. This is to ensure that you get drunk at the same time, because for the nth time, the purpose of drinking is SOLIDARITY. Plus, the worst thing you can do is to get drunk before all your other friends ad end up being taken care of for the rest of the night.
Rule #9: Never use alcohol as an excuse to say stupid things. Think of more creative excuses. It is just a cliché to say stupid things just because you are drunk. I just do not buy it, and I bet nobody else does. Personally, I never say anything stupid just because I am drunk; I say stupid things because I am, well… stupid.
Rule #10: Always help a friend nurse a hangover. Do this by offering your friend more alcohol. You know what this means. Just follow it.
Catch Confessions of a Partyphile on the radio every Wednesdays from 6 to 9 in the PM on 105.9 Mix FM or www.mixfm1059.com. You could also follow the columnist on twitter.com/zhaun or facebook.com/confessionsofapartyphile. For comments, suggestions, and more confessions from this partyphile, log on to http://party.i.ph
