Dear IBP Davao,
I am married to a wonderful man for the last 5 years and we have one daughter. Lately, my husband comes home late at night and goes out with his friends during the weekends. I am currently busy with my career and my daughter, so I do not mind it much.
At night though, there are times when I am tired from the office and I am not in the mood to make love to him. Unlike before when he listens to my request, what he does lately is insist himself on me and keeps on telling me that as his wife, it is my duty to do so. I ask him to take a bath first or brush his teeth before approaching me – to at least get the alcohol and cigarette stench out of him – but he ignores my requests.
As a wife, am I required to make love to my husband even if I do not want to? Under the law, what are my duties as a wife and what will happen if I do not perform these duties?
Thank you for your help.
Dutiful Wife
Dear Dutiful Wife,
Please bear in mind that nobody is required to make love to anybody if they do not want to.
Any form of sexual cohabitation when not consensual is considered rape under RA 8353- The Anti-Rape Law of 1997. The relationship between the offender and the victim is not important, when there is force or intimidation or the victim was in any way deprived of her/his senses and so cannot give consent, then RAPE is committed.
Although, the deliberations in Congress on the passage of the RA 8353 showed that some lawmakers refused to use the word “marital rape”, the eventual passage of this law gave each and every married woman or a man for that matter, the right to cry “RAPE” when sexual intercourse is forced on her or him.
Marriage does not give either spouse the right to own the other. It is an antiquated idea that the husband owns his wife and her property upon entering marriage, a concept believed by most people which brings about the demand to have sexual intercourse anytime libido arises without considering the desire of his partner.
Also, consummation of marriage happens because of the expression or manifestation of feelings between two people, a simultaneous reaction to a consensual act of passion and love. Therefore, when the consent was not freely given, then there is RAPE.
There was no documented case on marital rape until April 2014 when the Supreme Court in case of People vs. Jumawan, G.R. No. 187495, affirmed the decision of the Regional Trial Court and the Court of Appeals convicting the accused of RAPE for forcing his wife to have sexual intercourse with him inside their family dwelling.
The case was a lengthy discussion about marital rape together with the rights and obligations of spouses under the Family Code and RA 9262, “Anti-Violence against Women and their Children.” The court made a final note by stating: “Rape is a crime that evokes global condemnation to a woman’s value and dignity as a human being. It respects no time, place, age, physical condition or social status. It can happen anywhere and it can happen to anyone. Even, as shown in the present case, to a wife, inside her time-honored fortress, the family home, committed against her by her husband who vowed to be her refuge from cruelty. The herein pronouncement is an affirmation to wives that our rape laws provide the atonement they seek from their sexually coercive husband.”
Lastly, with regards to your duties as a wife, the obligation of both spouses, among others, as stated in the Family Code, are for the husband and wife to live together, observe mutual love, respect and fidelity, and render mutual help and support. When one of the spouses neglects his or her duties to the conjugal union or commits acts which tend to bring danger, dishonor or injury to the other or to the family, the aggrieved party may apply to the court for relief.
Miss Dutiful Wife, I hope the IBP Davao City was able to enlighten you.
(IBP Davao Corner is a weekly column of Integrated Bar Philippines Davao Chapter. You may send your questions to IBP Davao at ibpdavao@gmail.com)
