I was mad (I think that’s the better word for angry).
Last week, someone texted me – let’s call him Jack – telling me that he would pay the money he personally borrowed from me two years ago. Finally, after years of waiting, he came to his senses.
He asked me if we could meet at SM Ecoland. He said he couldn’t pay in GCash since the money involved was huge. So, we agreed to meet at 4 in the afternoon.
The day came. I was at the meeting place two hours ahead of our appointed time. I texted him and he replied. Jack, who is from Panabo City, said he was on his way riding a bus. A few minutes later, he texted that the traffic was bad as he entered Davao.
I replied I could wait. Well, I have waited anyway for two years and to wait for a few minutes doesn’t matter anymore.
Thirty minutes later, I never heard from him anymore. It was already 4 pm. I tried to call him on his phone but he never answered (I later learned that he slept). I did that several times. I also tried to send a batch of messages.
Now, my stress has gone up. I was already feeling angry. I had so many things in my mind. I wanted to send those but I didn’t because the words were really harsh, if not expletive.
I tried to relax. My concentration had disappeared. I decided to go home since it was getting late and there might be no bus going to my hometown anymore. The last trip was at 6 pm.
I took a taxi going to Ecoland Bus Terminal. When I went inside the terminal, I immediately boarded a bus going to my hometown. I put my favorite Under Armour cap (which I bought in the United States during my recent visit there) just beside my backpack. Then, all of a sudden, I received a text from Jack.
He said he was almost approaching SM Ecoland. I told him my situation. He asked me if I could wait for a few minutes more. So, I got off the bus and forgot the cap I placed near my backpack. That was how I lost it!
Lesson learned: If you let anger control you, then you may forget other important things. Your concentration is no longer with those things at hand but with the emotion you have to deal with. Anger can supersede your balance of thinking and so other things are now beyond your power.
“Anger,” reminds British author, life coach, lecturer and consultant Mike George, “is a sign that you have lost the awareness of the truth of ‘Who am I?’, and that something is blocking your access to the peace of your heart.” That anger is a natural, biological and physiological response that’s part human survival (supposedly attributed to hormonal imbalances and aging, among others) is a misconception.
“From a spiritual point of view, anger is never healthy, natural or useful,” George writes in his book, Don’t Get Mad, Get Wise. “Anger destroys the ability to create meaningful relationships and consistently good work.”
Elizabeth Kenny, the famed Australian nurse and originator of the Kenny method of polio treatment, was once asked by a friend how she managed to stay so constantly cheerful. “I suppose you were just born calm and smiling,” the friend told her.
“Oh, no,” Kenny laughed. “As a girl, my temper often got out of bounds. But one day, when I became angry at a friend over some trivial matter, my mother gave me the counsel that I have since stored in my mind and have called upon for guidance ever since. She said, ‘Elizabeth, anyone who angers you, conquers you.’”
In other words, “If you kick a stone in anger, you’ll hurt your own foot,” as one Korean proverb states. “Anger dwells only in the bosom of fools,” commented Albert Einstein. George Jean Nathan claimed, “No man can think clearly when his fists are clenched.”
No one can escape from being angry but it gives you justification to be nasty. As one unknown author puts it, “Sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.” In fact, if you are angry at someone (especially if that someone happens to be your loved one), hug that person. “And mean it,” advises Walter Anderson, author of The Confidence Course. “You may not want to hug — which is all the more reason to do so. It’s hard to stay angry when someone shows they love you, and that’s precisely what happens when we hug each other.”
Never allow that short-lived madness to conquer you. In his book, George cites the three essential truths necessary to attain freedom from anger. First, anger and hurt are self-created. “Anger is a killing thing: it kills the man who angers, for each rage leaves him less than he had been before – it takes something from him,” points out Louis L’Armour.
Second, those negative reactions are merely mistakes, and all human blunders can be rectified by truth. Mistakes are a form of illusion – a lack of knowledge. “Resentment is an extremely bitter diet, and eventually poisonous,” Neil Kinnock once said. “I have no desire to make my own toxins.”
Third, it is really the ego (the false impressions about yourself), not the “essential self,” that is wounded. When you get attached to your perception of yourself, you become vulnerable when you see a person or a situation jeopardizing your self-image. For instance, someone criticizes you or calls you incompetent. Your ego is jeopardized and you become defensive.
“If you were not attached to the image of being Mr. or Ms. Always Very Bright and Clever, being called stupid would not bother you,” George explains. “You might just disagree. In fact, you would respond from the sound self that, yes, sometimes you do things that are not sensible. But you are not a stupid person. Outcome? No mental disturbance, no pain, no hurt.”
By the way, Jack did pay me – but only half of what he owed me. Still, I was happy with that. It’s better to have half of what he owed from me than never to have anything at all. – ###
