“Trust is built and maintained by many small actions over time. Trust is not a matter of technique, tricks, or tools but of character. We are trusted because of our way of being, not because of our polished exteriors or our expertly crafted communications.”
—Author Unknown
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A young girl and her father were traversing a bridge. The father felt a bit anxious and requested his daughter, “Darling, please take my hand so you don’t fall into the river.”
The little girl responded, “No, Dad. You should hold my hand.” The confused father inquired, “What’s the difference?”
“There is a significant difference,” the girl explained. “If I hold your hand and something goes wrong, I might let go. However, if you hold my hand, I am certain that you will never let it go, regardless of what happens.”
That’s what trust is all about. The dictionary defines trust as “reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.” It also refers to “a person on whom or thing on which one relies.” Trust may also mean “the condition of one to whom something has been entrusted.”
Some people see trust in a different manner. Ramon Magsaysay Awardee Tony Oposa, Jr. likens trust to a beautiful glass. “Used well,” he said, “it will quench the thirst of life. If broken, it cannot be put back.”
Award-winning independent filmmaker Kidlat Tahimik refers trust to “a state of mind” or “a state of the heart” that relaxes his soul. “If I can trust that my fellow beings can respect me as their fellow being, I don’t have to carefully scrutinize or weight their actions.”
When asked what life has taught him about trust, Dr. Anton Mari H. Lim replied: “Trust is like a piece of white paper –a small dot on it can create problems. People tend to ignore the vastness of white and train their sight on the small black dot. Life is never fair and that is what makes it challenging and worth living.”
Academy Award winner Barbra Streisand (of A Star is Born distinction) has a different view. “A human being is only interesting if he’s in contact with himself. I learned you have to trust yourself, be what you are, and do what you ought to do the way you should do it. You have got to discover you, what you do, and trust it.”
In her book, The Exploits and Adventures of Miss Alethea Darcy, author Elizabeth Aston wrote: “Anyone who goes through life trusting people without making sure they are worthy of trust is a fool. Yet there are people who may be trusted, men as well as women. There are as many differences in their natures as there are flowers in these meadows.”
Not all of us are born leaders. If you happen to be a leader, you can either be good or bad. Stephen M.R. Covey, author of The Speed of Trust, said that the first job of any leader is to inspire trust. But how?
In his book, Covey identified 13 common behaviors of trusted leaders around the world that build, and maintain, trust. These behaviors act as deposits into a “trust account,” as he calls it, with another party and always need to be balanced by the other. “If one is used in the extreme, it can become a weakness,” he warned.
The thirteen traits of trusted leaders: (1) Talk straight. (2) Demonstrate respect. (3) Create transparency. (4) Right wrongs. (5) Show loyalty. (6) Deliver results. (7) Get better. (8) Confront reality. (9) Clarify expectations. (10) Practice accountability. (11) Listen first. (12) Keep commitments. (13) Extend trust.
“The chief lesson I have learned in a long life is that the only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him; and the surest way to make him untrustworthy is to distrust him and show your distrust,” said Henry L. Stimson.
The statement above came to my mind after reading an anecdote written by Robert Schuller. It goes this way:
One day, he took a flight and found himself seated next to a man who was quietly laughing to himself. Curious, he inquired, “What’s amusing you?” The man responded, “You won’t believe what just occurred,” and gestured across the aisle where the renowned blind musician Ray Charles was sitting with his guide dog.
He continued, “At our previous stop, the captain approached Ray Charles to see if he needed anything. Mr. Charles replied, ‘Actually, yes. Would you mind taking my dog for a walk?’”
“The captain consented, grasped the leather leash, and led the dog outside. As the passengers gathered nearby to board the plane, they observed the captain walking the guide dog. Just as they saw the captain, following the dog, ascend the steps to reboard the aircraft, the flight attendant announced that it was time for passengers to board.
However, when the gate opened, no one was willing to step on board—especially after witnessing the captain being guided by a seeing-eye dog. Eventually, the captain emerged and clarified, ‘It’s perfectly fine. I can see.’ Only then did the passengers feel comfortable enough to board the flight.”
To end this piece, allow me to quote the words of Frank Crane: “You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough.”
