“Forgiveness does not mean ignoring what has been done or putting a false label on an evil act. It means, rather, that the evil act no longer remains as a barrier to the relationship. Forgiveness is a catalyst creating the atmosphere necessary for a fresh start and a new beginning.”—Martin Luther King, Jr.
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While trying to find some interesting posts in my social media recently, I came across a story about forgiveness. It’s a remarkable story (who doesn’t have any author) and I want to share it with you:
My father once told me, “If someone hurts you, forgive them, but never forget what they’ve done.”
It became my guiding principle—a quiet reminder each time I welcomed someone into my life. But over time, it grew heavy. The emotional toll of offering kindness, only to face betrayal, wore me down. It’s a special kind of pain when you admire someone, only to discover they’ve been speaking ill of you behind your back.
One day, in a moment of frustration, I asked my father, “Do they even deserve my forgiveness?”
He smiled gently, folding the newspaper he’d been reading—a ritual he always followed after checking the mail. “Everyone deserves forgiveness, child,” he said. “If someone wrongs you, forgive them. If they do it again, forgive them once more. But if they hurt you a third time, then it’s time to forgive yourself.”
I must’ve looked confused because he chuckled softly, pressing a piece of candy into my hand and holding it firmly. “Forgive yourself for believing in them,” the father said. “For trusting too easily. Forgive yourself for giving them another chance, thinking they might change. And most importantly, forgive yourself enough to set yourself free—from anger, from revenge, from the weight of your past.”
The following morning, I found my father with tears in his eyes, sitting across from my mother. His best friend of ten years had betrayed him. I asked him if he was angry, but once again, he smiled and shook his head.
“My heart has no room for hatred. I don’t deserve to carry that burden,” he said. “I’ve forgiven him, but that doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten. The next time he sees me smiling, despite everything, he’ll know who truly suffered between us.”
As he wiped his tears with his favorite handkerchief—the one I gave him for his birthday—he added, “The best gift you can give to someone who’s hurt you is to let them see you live a better life in spite of it. We only get one life, so don’t waste it on those who’ve left scars on your heart. Let them witness what they lost, and how they unknowingly helped you grow.”
In that moment, I realized that without his wisdom, I might still be weighed down by things that were never my fault.
The words “forgiving” and “forgiven” are inseparable twins. They go together; one is useless without the other. At the death of Queen Caroline, Lord Chesterfield said a sad thing: “And unforgiving, unforgiven dies.”
I had a friend who was engaged to be married. Three months before the actual wedding, his best friend “stole” his bride-to-be. Today, he is still bitter with the man whom he considered as his brother. “Sure, I’ll forgive that man, when I’m good and ready,” he said.
“What must I forgive?” asked Dr. David Augsburger, author of The Freedom of Forgiveness. “Not just the small things, the trivial irritations, the tactless, thoughtless mistakes others make. But everything. Even the hurts that cut and sear. There are no exemptions!”
That’s a tall order! “Forgiveness is something we discover, more than something we do; it is something we gratefully receive, more than something we faithfully give,” Dr. Augsburger explained.
How many times should you forgive someone? Once, twice, thrice? Or seven times, as the apostle once suggested? No, but 70 times seven. That was the message of Jesus Christ when He shared this unforgettable story (Matthew 18:21-35).
A certain poor man owed his boss more than PP2 million. He couldn’t pay, so the boss ordered the man, his wife, and children to be his servants, and the property to be sold to pay the debt. The man, face in the dust, pleaded with his boss, “Please, be patient with me. I will pay it all.”
“Two million pesos? Where will you get that amount?” the boss asked. But then, in pity, he forgave him all his debt.
The man, overjoyed, left his boss. Outside, he met a neighbor who owed him P10,000. “Pay up,” he demanded. The neighbor replied, “Just be patient, and I’ll have it for you next week.”
“Nothing doing,” said the man and had him thrown in debtors’ prison. When his boss heard the story, he summoned the man again. “You evil wretch,” he said, “here I canceled that tremendous debt for you, and you have the nerve to be unforgiving over ten thousand pesos? You have sentenced yourself! You have to go to prison now!”
When Jesus taught us to pray, He said, “Forgive as we forgive.” And as Alexander Pope wrote in An Essay on Criticism: “To err is human, to forgive, divine.”
To end this piece, allow me to quote the words of Gordon B. Hinckley, author of Standing for Something: 10 Neglected Virtues That Will Heal Our Hearts and Homes: “The willingness to forgive is a sign of spiritual and emotional maturity. It is one of the great virtues to which we all should aspire. Imagine a world filled with individuals willing both to apologize and to accept an apology.”
