Good manners are being stressed much in Islam that much of the teachings in the Quran and the sayings of Prophet Muhammad contain encouragement for each Muslim not only to be pious towards Allah but to be righteous towards others too. Prophet Muhammad said,
“The best among you is the one who is best in his manners.”
Prophet Muhammad was asked, “What is the foremost reason for people to enter Paradise?” He answered, “Fear of Allah and good manners.”
It is also worth noting what Allah said about Prophet Muhammad,
“Indeed you are upon a high degree of good manners.” Quran 68:4
This verse is very interesting because of all things that is praiseworthy that Prophet Muhammad possesses, it is his good manners that Allah commended him for. Indeed, Prophet Muhammad excelled in his performance of acts of worship, his military and political leadership and others and yet good manners was what he was he was praised for.
Abdullah bin ‘Amr said about Prophet Muhammad,
“He was not a person who is vulgar or is tolerant of any vulgarity.”
Prophet Muhammad said,
“I have only been sent to perfect good characteristics.”
Prophet Muhammad also used to pray for good manners by saying, “O Allah, You have made my outward form beautiful so make my attitude good too.”
This emphasis on good manners have even been considered by sociologist as something that has changed the Arab society as a whole, forever. In the past, Arab tribes used to wage war against each other vying for resources, dominance or just plain Arab pride. For centuries war between clans and tribes would last for generations and only Islam was able to unify these warring tribes into a coherent society that has lead the early generation of Muslims in the 7th century to dominate territories stretching from the Middle East to North Africa, Europe and Asia.
THE MEANING OF GOOD MANNERS
Good manners is shown through speech and actions and may even be a matter of the heart too. Interpretation of what is good or bad manners may greatly differ between different people depending upon their values customs and traditions. Some nations tend to speak a lot softer making them look more polite while some speak louder making them look intimidating at first. But Islam is inviting people towards universal good manners which transcends all forms of individuality and differences. Al Hassan Al Basri said,
“The truth about good manners is that it is the reciprocation of good, removal of injury and the smile on someone’s face.”
BAD MANNERS
Bad manners is being discouraged in Islam the same way good manners have been put much emphasis upon. According to Muslim religious scholars,
“Whoever worsens his manners is affecting Allah’s blessings to him negatively.”
They also said,
“The person with good manners finds in himself inner peace while other people find security in him.”
WRONG UNDERSTANDING ABOUT GOOD MANNERS
Sometimes people have the wrong understanding about good manners that one should be meek or even look the other way whenever mistakes or injustices are committed. Some people think that good manners is about avoiding debate, not imposing punishments or disciplinary actions to those under one’s authority or showing anger in general. Some even go to the extreme by thinking that good manners is about talking mildly to the point that if such speaker is male, he may be seen as a homosexual.
But looking at the example of Prophet Muhammad, we know that he is the best among the people in good mannersand yet Prophet Muhammad did get angry sometimes especially when Allah’s rights has been violated. He did raise his voice on some occasions too. But all these have been done for a reason which will render these acts that show harshness a wise action depending upon the situation.
Having good manners does not mean that we become weak or insensitive towards the promotion of good and the prohibition of evil.
HOW TO ATTAIN GOOD MANNERS
According to Sheikh Muhammad Al Munajjid, good manners could be attained by the following:
- He may sit before a Shaykh who has insight into people’s faults and knowledge of the subtlety of some problems and learn from him knowledge, good attitudes and manners.
- He may ask a sincere friend who has insight and is religiously committed to keep watch over him and take note of his actions, so that he can draw attention to whatever he dislikes of his attitude, actions, and inward and outward faults. This is what the best and greatest imams of Islam used to do. ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) used to say: “May Allah have mercy on a man who shows me my shortcomings.”
- He can learn about his faults and shortcomings from the lips of his enemies, because the eye of one who is resentful will always notice bad things about you. A man may benefit more from an enemy who wants to cause trouble and mentions his faults than from a friend who wants to flatter him by praising him and concealing his faults.
- He can mix with people. Everything that he sees as blameworthy among people, he should guard against in his own self, because the believer is the mirror of his fellow believer, and in the faults of others he can see his own faults. It was said to ‘Eesa (peace be upon him): “Who taught you?” He said: “No one taught me; I saw the ignorance of the ignorant as something bad and I avoided it.”
GOOD MANNERS START WITH PIETY
With everything that we mentioned about good manners, let us remember that every kind of good that may come from any person comes from his piety and his faith in Allah. He should believe that his good manners is an obligation imposed upon him by this religion.
His good manners towards others should be done for the pleasure of Allah with all sincerity and not to show off or gain material benefits from the people that he shows good manners to. Otherwise,such show of good manners will be a form of hypocrisy that he shall be accounted for.
