Dr. Jose Rizal once said, “Treat your parents the way you want your children to treat you later in life.” As Filipinos we are known to exhibit more Filial piety or love for our parents more than most societies in other countries. In the Philippines it is not uncommon to see a house with extended families living in it consisting of at least three generations of families from grandparents to grandchildren. This is done mainly so that the children and grandchildren take care of the old. This is a stark contrast to other countries where old people are often put into the care of nursing homes or home for the aged which is rare in this country.
Love for parents is one of the world-class characteristics that the Filipinos are known for aside from our inate hospitality, friendliness and competence at work.
TREATING YOUR PARENTS IS NEXT TO GODLINESS
Allah said in the Quran,
“And your Lord has obliged upon you that you should not worship anyone other than Him and that you should treat your parents kindly.” ¬Quran 17:23.
As we can see here, our parents’ rights are so high that they are only next to Allah’s right that He should be worshipped alone without partners. It means that our parents have more rights than our friends, bosses, or even our own children or spouses.
Allah said in the same verse
If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour.” ¬Quran 17:23
Treating our parents kindly is not only providing for them shelter, food or clothing. Some people do provide these to their parents but they negate all these goodness by verbally abusing their parents or even harming them by beating or cursing them. In Islam, it has been greatly stressed that Muslims should take good care of their parents their whole lifetime even if they already have a family of their own.
WE HAVE TO BE GOOD TO OUR PARENTS NO MATTER THEIR SITUATION
In Islam, being good to parents is an obligation even if they are not Muslims. It was reported,
The mother of Asma bint Abu Bakr who was a pagan came from Makkah to visit her in Madinah. Asma informed the Messenger of Allah of her arrival and also that she needed help. Prophet Muhammad said, ‘Be good to your mother.’ Reported by Imam Al Bukhari and Imam Muslim.
Kindness to our parents even transcends beyond their death. A companion of Prophet Muhammad asked,
‘O Messenger of Allah! Do my parents have rights over me even after they have died?’
Prophet Muhammad said, ‘ Yes. You must pray to Allah to bless them with His Forgiveness and Mercy, fulfill the promises they made to anyone, and respect their relations and their friends.’ Reported by Abu Dawud and Ibnu Majah.
There is much respect in Islam that they are respected after they die and we should respect their friends too. However, praying for our dead parents is only allowed if they died while they are Muslims. But while they are alive, taking care of them is an obligation no matter who they are or wherever they may be.
WE SHOULD PRAY FOR OUR PARENTS
Allah further said in the Quran,
“And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: ‘My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was small.’” ¬Quran 17:24
The best supplication is that which Allah has taught us in the Quran. Many verses in the Quran mention about asking for forgiveness, religious knowledge, steadfastness, good things in this world and the Hereafter. Allah is teaching us to pray for mercy for our parents, the way they have been most merciful to us when we were young, weak, ignorant and literally poor and unable to support our own needs.
Our parents sacrificed for us their time, money, effort and the remaining days of their lives for our own good. Even if we have our own families or when our parents are retired, you’d still find them spending for their children because being a parent is a lifetime commitment.
Our fathers worked patiently for us. Every day, they endure the dangers of their work environment. They endure long hours of their travel to work. They endure unbearable workmates and bosses. They endure gossip, insult and others just to provide for us.
THE MOTHER HAS SPECIAL RIGHTS
While we have to treat both our parents kindly, our mothers have special rights. It was reported,
“A man came to the Prophet and said, ‘O Messenger of God! Who among the people is the most worthy of my good companionship? The Prophet said: Your mother. The man said, ‘Then who?’ The Prophet said: Then your mother. The man further asked, ‘Then who?’ The Prophet said: Then your mother. The man asked again, ‘Then who?’ The Prophet said: Then your father.” Reported by Imam Al Bukhari and Imam Muslim.
This special treatment of mothers is due to the much more complex relationship between her and her child that begins even long before her child was born. Allah said in the Quran,
“And We have enjoined on man to be dutiful and good to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years. Give thanks to Me and to your parents, unto Me is the final destination.” ¬Quran 31:14
IT IS NOT ALLOWED TO DISOBEY PARENTS
In Islam it is totally disallowed for anyone to disobey their parents in any good deed except when they are being ordered to sin. Allah said in the Quran,
“But if they both strive with you to make you worship other gods besides Me that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do.” ¬Quran 31:15.
This time around, Allah’s right is above our parents’ rights but we still have to refuse them kindly.
